My mom did not sleep. She felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick until one day, suddenly, she changed. One day my dad said to her: “I’ve been looking for a job for three months and I haven’t found anything, I’m going to have a few beers with friends.”
My mom replied: “It’s okay.”
My brother said to her: “Mom, I’m doing poorly in all subjects at the University.”
My mom replied: “Okay, you will do better and if you don’t, you will repeat the semester, and you will pay the tuition.”
My sister said to her: “Mom, I smashed the car.”
My mom replied: “Okay, take it to the car shop & find how much it will cost, and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.”
Her daughter-in-law said to her: “Mom, I came to spend a few months with you.”
My mom replied: “Okay, settle in the living room on the couch, look for some blankets and pillows in the closet.”
All of us gathered worried to see these reactions coming from Mom. We suspected that she had gone to the doctor and that she was prescribed some pills and was overdosing on them!
We then proposed to do an “intervention to remove her from any possible addiction.
But then … she gathered us around and explained: “It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life. It took me years to discover that my anguish, anxiety, my depression, my courage, my insomnia & my stress, does not solve your problems but aggravate mine.
I am not responsible for the actions of anyone & it’s not my job to provide happiness but I am responsible for my reactions . Therefore, I concluded that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one of you solve your own problems.
I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, and human development, and in all of them, I found a common denominator: I can only control myself, you have all the necessary resources to solve your own problems despite how hard they may be. My job is to pray for you, love you, and encourage you but it’s up to YOU to solve them & find your happiness.
I can only give you my advice if you ask me & it depends on you to follow it or not. There are consequences, good or bad, to your decisions and YOU must live with them.
So from now on, I cease to be the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems.
Everyone at my mom’s house was speechless. From that day on, the family began to function better because everyone in the house knew exactly what it is that they needed to do.
For some of us this is hard because we’ve grown up being the caregivers feeling responsible for others. We want everyone to be happy and thriving. The sooner we take that responsibility off of our shoulders & can create healthy boundaries, the better we are preparing them to be MEsponsible. . So stop putting pressure on yourself. We are not here on earth to be everything to everyone.