A devoted monk came to his master with his head bowed low. He had served the monastery for 15 years, kind to everyone, generous to strangers, patient with the most difficult students. But something was deeply wrong.
Master, he said quietly, I do not know how to love myself. I give everything to others. I forgive everyone who wrongs me. I see the goodness in the most broken people, but when I look at myself, I see only my failures, my shortcomings, everything I should have done differently. I am kinder to strangers than I have ever been to myself. Is something wrong with me?
The master looked at him with great tenderness. Tell me, he said, if your dearest friend came to you in pain, ashamed of a mistake they had made, what would you say to them? The monk answered immediately. I would tell them they are human, that mistakes are how we grow, that one failure does not define them, and that I see their goodness even when they cannot. The master nodded slowly. And why have you never once said those words to yourself? The monk had no answer. He sat in silence, tears falling quietly, because he realized he had spent 15 years as a fierce protector of everyone else's worth and a ruthless critic of his own. He had built a life of love on a foundation of self-rejection, and somewhere deep inside he had believed that was what devotion looked like, that suffering himself somehow served others. But it didn't. It had just made him quietly, invisibly exhausted. The master took his hands. The Buddha taught loving-kindness, and he was very specific about where it must begin. Not with your family, not with strangers, not even with your enemies. It begins with yourself, because you cannot truly love another while you are at war with the person you are loving. Self-love is not vanity. It is not selfishness. It is the foundation upon which everything else is built. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love, because somewhere, someone does, and they are watching you destroy yourself and wondering why you will fight for everyone except the person who needs it most. You start there. Start now. You have always deserved the love you so freely give away.
